well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
