Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
