Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
