the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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