I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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