My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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