But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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