Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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