I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
