If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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