Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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