White coat. Heels.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
