Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
