he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's never too late to be topless.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
