It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
