I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
