go do what you do best...puke behind churches
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
