I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
