When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
