He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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