dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
