So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
