woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
