I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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