I think I died a long time ago.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
