Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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