clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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