so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
