3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
