I've blown a few things in my day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
