New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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