My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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