He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
