And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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