I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
