so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
