thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
