i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
