Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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