Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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