nut hugger
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
