You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
