Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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