If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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