Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
