Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
