What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
