hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
