New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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