do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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