Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
