when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize