hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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