I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
