his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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