Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We are two peas in an std pod
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize