I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize