I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
