I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize