I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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