Me. At least after what I've been through.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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