I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize