first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
