Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
