is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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