you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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