porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
50% drunk capacity currently
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
