I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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