Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
