I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
