He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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