whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
