She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
