i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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