a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
