somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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