But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
