I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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