I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think your dad took our porno
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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