I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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