the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
