I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
