i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
