we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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