2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
