And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
