I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
