this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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