omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
