btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
