No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
