So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
